(11-22-2016 - 08:55 AM)Crunk Wrote: Christmas time is a very weird time for me. So note this is going to be a real talk and if you don't want to read a very elongated memoir about my feelings on Christmas, stop reading now lol
I say Christmas is a weird time for me, because Christmas to me has always been a positive and happy time in my life, but the past couple of years (maybe 4 or 5) Christmas has been sad, and very depressing. Not because I didn't get anything or because I couldn't get people things, but because I didn't have friends or family to spend it with. For probably 3 years now I've spent Christmas alone. Now before you get sappy with me, I do this by choice. I can't explain why, but I do. Christmas I feel like I need to be alone, I can't really explain it. I used to love this time of year, and I do still, but deeper inside and not for what the pagan understanding of it or the capitalistic value of Christmas, but for the actual understanding that friends and family exist and growing up I never realized that. I grew up with the notion that I am happy because my family is kind enough to get each other things, not that I even have these friends or family to celebrate with each year. So I guess to directly answer your question, Christmas makes me feel warm and cold. Warm because I have family still, but cold because it took so long to realize it.
Aww. That's alright. Some people like Christmas alone. Time to themselves, quiet. I mean, family can be loud and noisy, and they can be pushy and crowded. For me I love a quiet day with my close family, like my mother in law, my fiance and my daughter is all Christmas will be this year. I used to go to Christmas parties and celebrate it with many people, the food was good, the love was nice but at what cost? It's way too much for me. And to have to think about so many people all at once makes my brain want to die. It's horrible I know, well. It sounds horrible. But a quiet Christmas is the kind of Christmas for me. I don't think I could have Christmas alone though.